how hot is hot

Today I had to make an appearance at the kindergarten. It is something i usually do about once a month, and it consists of me playing with the kids for two hours (i.e. they climb on me, and pull me this way and that, and I make faces at them). Anyhow, it was so hot today, they actually turned on the air conditioning in the kindergarten...the whole kindergarten, not just the teacher's room ... which is completely unheard of in Japan. Normally there is no air conditioning anywhere but the teacher's room....So all was good and fine, albeit exhausting at the kindergarten, because i had no idea of the heat. Then I went to lunch at the Junior High School...aka HELL...(and this time I mean it literally)... For lunch we had whole fish (I can now pick the meat off the skin, but still refuse to eat the bones, skin, eyes, etc) soup (did they not get the memo that it was f*&#ing hot outside) and vinegar veggies (which i recently learned are stored in vinegar, to keep them from rotting...as they are usually on the verge when the are placed into the picklying state)...who knows, maybe it was the food, or maybe it was the overwhelming heat...all I know, is that when i got up to the teacher's lounge (the JR. High School, refuses to turn on the air conditioning anywhere in the school)....I thought I was going to be sick...like nausea, pass out sick...the same syptoms as heatstroke or strangely...food poisoning. I couldn't stop sweating...and the frozen bottle of water I brought to school managed to melt in 20 minutes (an all time record if you ask me). When i finally got around to check the weather report, I learned that it was 35 degrees out (that's like 104 degrees for you farenheit people)....Why on earth would the school not turn on the air conditioning? Why would they force the kids to continue going to school? I mean the building pretty much just traps the heat inside...

I think the "best" thing I heard today was.."And it's only going to get hotter...." Great. I can hardly wait.

Adult Classes pt 2

I have recently taken on the challenge of teaching grown-ups....Honestly, other then speaking English, and having the ability to recite lyrics from popular Beatles' tunes...what qualifications do I possibly possess that would prove I have Adult class teaching abilities. My students include a priest, the mayor's wife, a couple of teachers, a convience store clerk, dress designer, and this strangely charming know-it-all who happens to also speak French....I don't know. I personally thought this class would totally rock, and give me the opportunity to finally meet adults from the community...but honestly, I think that it may have proven that I am actually a much worse teacher then I originally thought. I have managed to come up with a few weekly time killers...for instance, every week we explore the lyrics of a different English tune (this week's song was Country Road...take me home, by John Denver) and I bring in a strange, but delicious example of "foreign" food (this week we had rice Krispie treats, last week I made salsa, next week: hummus?) and ask everyone to talk briefly about their weekend...(usually, all of that stuff kills about 30 minutes...then i have to struggle with about 1 hour more of new material.)

But whatever...I'm trying...and sometimes just for fun (okay its only to amuse myself) I will teach the adults stupid things...for instance, tonight I explained to them the differences between a shopper, a hand bag, a tote, a clutch, and a wristlet. I followed that mini-vocab lesson with a lesson on "the claw".... which is actually a term my friend N, came up with, after watching Japanese women wander around with many shopping bags hanging from their upper arms, and their hand facing upward in "claw" formation. These women now, thing the Claw is an actual english term...and frankly, i didn't want to correct them....

Next week I'm teaching them slang, any suggestions?

What did you catch?

I had to teach my third graders the english words for various sea creatures. The learned fish, octopus, squid, dolphins, crabs, whales, penquins, sea weed, sea horse, shell, etc. etc.

Then the key sentence was What did you catch? the answer being: I caught.....

Well, at the end of each class the kids have to come up to me, and individually answer the key question.
So imagine my expression when a line of third grade girls continuously responded to the question: "What did you catch?" with... "I caught crabs." Apparently that was the only phrase of the 10 possible phrases that all of them could remember. I figure hey, at least they are learning a sentence that might have double value later on in life.

hanging with the police...again

I got a call at the elementary school today. It seems the police are fed up with my nonsense...(you know the, "yeah, yeah, yeah I will come in to the station soon and fill out a report on the accident." but then I never show up because I don't actually want to voluntarily spend time with the police, since they have managed to make my life absolutely miserable, every chance they have had.)

So they cornered me...called me at work, and said at 2.30 you will be at the post office where you got into an accident (to them it wasn't important that I had a class...they felt their issue was of greater importance than my work in shaping the minds of tomorrow's youths...whatever.) So I go, with one of my English teachers (albeit, practically kicking and screaming the entire way.)

We meet the policeman, who wants to know my side of the story...the wheres, the whens, the hows, the where did I break...etc. It was like deja vu from my last accident. (how could I possibly know the answers to those questions..its been over 2 months now.) Then the police began to do some crazy math equations to figure out if I had been speeding, or if the light was about to change....(okay here's the thing, the transmission on my car was shot...so i had trouble going over 20ks when the car wasnt warmed up...which it wasn't. And because it was shot, I was always keeping an eye on the light ahead of me, making mental wagers as to whether I could make the light or not...therefore, I knew for sure, 100%, that i was not speeding....and that the light had been green for quite sometime.) The math equations got me scared that he was going to wrongly accuse me of something...but in the end, he said that the man admitted that he was "100% at fault" and that I was the "victim."

And then he asked the golden question. "when could I come to the station and fill out a report."

I said, "ummm yeah, I need to call my translator and find out when he is free."

Policeman: it will only take 10 minutes

(Yeah, where have I heard that one before.)

Me: really? 10 minutes? For sure? So after 10 minutes I am free to leave.

Policeman: No, when we are done you can leave...but it won't take more than 10 minutes.

Me: Okay, I'll be by sometime in the next few weeks.

Policeman: (teeth sucking)...mmmmmm....how about right now?

English teacher: You are sure it will only take 10 minutes?

Policeman: Yes, from this moment only 10 minutes.

-50 minutes later-

Policeman: Okay you are innocent in this. The man is wrong. What should his punishment be?

Me: Why is it my choice?

Policeman: It isn't but we have to ask what you, the victim think, for the judge.

Me: He had to pay a fine already, he seems like a nice person. I don't want to press any charges.

Policeman: Okay then we are done. Please sign your name here (in block letters) and fingerprint here.

Me: I have a hanko, I will use that.

Policeman: You are a gaijin, your hanko is not real.

Me: Where I come from, only criminals have to be fingerprinted. Either you take my Hanko or you get nothing.

Policeman: I cannot accept you hanko, it is not real.

Me: Well, its recognized by the town office as being real (i have an official document), it is recognized by my bank as being real, and by a couple of other police stations as being real. Either you accept it, or you get nothing.

Policeman: Oh I am sorry, I didn't know that other people accepted it. Fine, stamp here.

-Exactly 1 hour later- my saga comes to an end...

Gifts

The superintendent of schools calls me into his office the other day. He is hemming and hawwing about something that I am told is very important.

Me:
Hey Mr. F. What's up?

F-san:
Ahh yes, I got a call the other day from a woman in Takuma,
who's daughter you hang out with.

Me:
Yeah, that's N. She's really cool. Why did she call?

F-san:
Ahh well, she is sad that you are leaving, and her parents
want to get you a nice present to remember her by. What
do you want them to buy you?

Me:
Umm..that is unnecessary, I appreciate the offer, but I just enjoy
hanging out with N. They don't need to buy me anything.

F-san:
mmmmmmm. Well, I guess since they are getting you something,
we should also get you something. What do you want us to buy you?

Me:
(in my head: an original Karfu woodblock? Money for my summer trip? Payment for all the time I will spend in therapy to forget you? )
Oh that's very kind of you, but seriously completely unnecessary

(really thinking: "what's your budget for this gift?").

F-san:
No, it is obligatory that we buy you a present. So please tell us what you want.

Me:
Really sir, the memories are enough.

(Okay, at this point, as I am packing my bags and finding I will be shipping hundreds of dollars of stuff back home, I really really don't want anything that i will have to ship...so when i say I don't want anything ... except money or a nice piece of art...i actually do mean it.)

F-san:
We HAVE TO buy you something. You can tell me what you want later.


I don't know why obligatory presents don't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...And what is the proper etiquette, do I have to buy them obligatory, "c-ya wouldn't wanna be ya" presents?

Adult classes

On Thursday nights, I now have to teach adults. This is something I have been looking forward to for most of my time here, mainly because it is an excellent opportunity for me to get to know Japanese people who are really interested in learning English. I can't tell you how many times i have been told by fellow JETs, "I love my adult classes, because of them I know so many people in the community." Why they waited until my last few weeks in Japan to set up these classes, is beyond me. Regardless, I am making the most out of them...

Of course, my first lesson wasn't quite all that it was cracked up to be. I had been told that the class was for people who were either hosting homestay people or were going to America on a homestay. Therefore my class topics should be geared toward homestay information. Simple enough. I made a worksheet about things to say/do for a great first impression. I even did a lesson plan (not normally something I do, as I have found it is usually more fun to wing it)...I really wanted this class to go over well, and I really didn't want to look like an ass.

But, sadly coolness was not quite something I was meant to be while staying in Japan....I show up to my class, and find that it is 10 people who have nothing to do with homestays...they just wanted to have an English lesson and practice conversation. The levels of these people vary from University degrees in English to Junior High School english..and I am stuck with absolutely nothing to teach. It seems there was a bit of a miscommunication.

So I did the only thing I could do...I winged it....(we did self-introductions and talked about travel). I guess the moral of my story is this: Why prepare, when you are better off winging it.

Oh and other than the lady who wants to hold indepth conversations about Georges Sands' writing...my class is pretty cool.