Happy New Year

I was all set to do a chipper end of the year, everything has managed to work its way out posting. I mean, I showed up at school today high on the holidays (5 christmas parties have helped to get me into the spirit of things). The school had finally decided it was indeed cold enough to turn on the heat in the teacher's lounge (there still isn't heat in the rest of the school, but at least i can be warm while on break) and Santa has a gotten a new head. Even my neighbors have managed to put a few lights up in the neighborhood (strangely one of them put up a giant x-mas light American flag in their window...i am not sure how patriotic that is, since they have no actual ties to the US.) And I am finally all packed and ready to leave for my 24 hour voyage to Thailand (a ferry, a bus, a couple of trains and 2 planes...but Chiang Mai here I come). I thought nothing could dampen my spirits.....until I was handed a brillo pad and asked to join the students in scrubbing the hallway floors at school....Its the end of the year, time to get rid of all the old scuff marks on the floors (I thought maybe i would donate a floor buffer to the school so that no one would ever have to get on their hands and knees and scrub ever again..) I am not sure how wierd this is, but as I was scrubbing the small little circles in the linoleum, I kept hearing Mr. Miyagi's voice telling me to "wax on, Wax off." I suppose, relatively speaking it certainly wasn't the worst thing that could have happened, but annoying nonetheless.

Happy New Year everyone, I hope your year has managed to work itself out as much as mine has....

eating disorders and other gossip

According to the word on the street, I have an eating disorder. I love that. I guess that is all the teachers have been talking about lately. And it all stems from the fact that at the beginning of each of my English classes, I have to ask the kids, "how are you?" and they answer then ask me the same question. One day I answered, "I am hungry"...because, well, I was hungry. And the main teacher said..."why are you hungry, didn't you eat breakfast?" And I was like, "yes, but it was just an egg because I didn't have enough time." Another day I said, "no unfortunatly I didn't have time." Well that teacher has decided that these two answers mean that i have an eating disorder, so he has told each of the teachers that they have to keep an eye on me and make sure that I am in fact eating.....And we all know how much I love to eat lunch, so you can imagine how wonderful this has been. I mean for the last few days I have noticed at the middleschool that a lot of the teachers make a pointed attempt to see whether or not I have eaten everything.....Finally today, the subsitute computer teacher...who happens to be the only person who talks to me at this school, told me that was the rumor that is going around school. Yep, they think I don't eat. She thought it was funny, because everyday the two of us share candy and other food we aren't suppose to have at school...but because its kind of prohibited, she couldn't exactly tell them that I have a pretty healthy ability to eat. I guess the good news about this little rumor is that I will no longer hear that I am over-weight...(yea its true, my principal told me i was heavy and should try to lose some weight) Oh how I love gossip.

Of course the other bit of gossip that is circling the Elementary school that i work at is that I am having an affair with my supervisor. He's not much older than me (which is why I think they assume we are dating) but he totally creeps me out and he's married. I love how the teachers keep asking me how my boyfriend is then ask me when I'll be seeing my supervisor next. I guess this means that in the new year, I will have to enlist the help of some of the other JETs...one of them is going to have to pose as my boyfriend, take me out to dinner, where I will have to eat a buffet of food...just to show them that I am not dating my supervisor, nor do i have an eating problem.

more things i hate to admit

My internet has been down for 5 days...its a rather miserable thing this time of year. I mean, I need my internet for everything from emails to mailing addresses, to x-mas shopping for my beloveds back in the states and to keep up with all my tv shows...so i have been totally lost for the past 5 days. Finally, yesterday I went to my supervisor and explained that this was indeed a mega-crisis and could he please call the internet company for me (being Japan, i can't communicate with any of my bill collecting companies or tech support) His reasoning was that I probably forgot to pay my bills....I was like No, that is so not the reason it isn't working...there is a server malfunction....and I told him that all I really thought needed to happen was the server needed to be re-booted or something...but i couldnt understand the broadband box at my house...so i just needed someone to explain to me what to do...He wouldn't listen and told me that I must have a computer virus....again I explained the re-booting theory...he ignored me again....we went back and forth for a bit...but in reality, i don't think he was arguing my logic, I actualy don't think he understood a word of what i said.

So today he came over and had a look at my computer. Again he suggested that I didn't pay my bill. Then he suggested the virus. Then he told me that my problem was that I was using American internet sites, and that I should only use Japanese sites....yeah that was bs too. Eventually he had to get the town office IT guy out. Basically this poor guy was called out of his dinner to reboot my server...which took like 8 minutes (yes i felt bad for him...he's super kind, and i am super selfish, I know) But whatever...my point is this....while my supervisor was sitting here waiting for this guy to show up, he started playing with my TV and i was like...okay, i never watch TV because I only catch like 1.5 stations...cuz it is all fuzz....he looks at me and visibly rolls his eyes...turns on the VCR, hits a couple of buttons and Voila...I have like 9 channels...HOLY COW!!! I have been living here for 4 months, and only now found out i have 9 CHANNELS!!!! that's fantastic!!!!

After he leaves, I decide to wander to my grocery store...it's like 8.15 and I am starving with no food. Okay I have been living here 4 months...and only today realized that my grocery store closes at 8 pm...so after 8 there is no food available to me...also all the resturants in town close at that time....

How is it possible that over the past 4 months, i never left my house to wander town after 8 pm? I guess I usually go to the neighboring areas for dinner...but you would think I would have realized that the grocery store isn't open past 8....My god, i am so clueless....

What am i going to do when I get back to the real world...24 hour grocery stores....24 hour gas stations...24 hour ATMs...its like Vegas...but everywhere.

Last Christmas...you know that song by Wham...

I have been playing Mariah Carey's X-mas album pretty heavily lately. I mean, as cheesy as it is, it really is a great album...and perfect for a strange anti-xmas world. I mean, my little town is like the town that Santa missed...there are only 2 houses with decorations and nothing else...everything is pretty normal here...and let's face it we are 2 weeks from Christmas, so shouldn't there be a giant Tree or something out in front of the town office? It feels like the week after Halloween out here. Of course the excessive rotation of Mariah is also my sad attempt to exorcise the horrid Wham song, Last Christmas out of my head....as it seems that is the one and only carol this country is aware of (except We Wish you a merry x-mas, but somehow that is forgivable as it is a classic). I had to teach it to my middle schoolers...I didn't even know the song when the teacher told me I would be teaching it....then about half-way into it realized, yes I had heard it...8 years ago when I lived in Wales. But contrary to her telling the students that it was a classic in the US (seriously, how many of you Americans are familiar with this song?) it has gone the way of the New Kids on the Block christmas album...nobody remembers it!!!

Of course I mentioned it to a bunch of my fellow English teachers...and strangely, they have all been experiencing similar things. Some of them have had to translate that song in Japanese...and all of them had to teach it to their students.

Turns out the key to this mystery is a new Drama on Monday nights, called "last christmas"...from everything I can gather...not only is that the theme song for this new popular drama, but the lyrics are also the story line.....

pooh

So I was teaching this lesson about "What I want for Christmas." And one of the Japanese teachers was helping me out, he told the students that for x-mas all he wanted was Pooh....And I was like, "excuse me?" What?? He was like, "I love pooh. I have many many pooh." It took me a minute to realize he was talking about Winnie the Pooh, the bear....Of course, it took everything in me not to bust out laughing when he told the class that "this year for x-mas I want a really really big pooh."

ATMs in Japan

Okay on the outside Japan seems as though it were technologically light years more advanced than the rest of the world. But in reality, they haven�ft actually figured out how to use the technology to their advantage. The best example of this is the ATM. 1st off let�fs be really clear about the fact that there is not a national bank. America has Wells Fargo, Citibank, even Washington Mutual is pretty much everywhere now. And even if you can�ft find a branch of your personal bank, you can still use the ATM. Generally, a debit card is accepted anywhere. Oh, how I miss the easy days of convinence. In Japan, my bank card is good only at my particular bank. Which is only found in my area. The card itself is not a visa or mastercard (they don�ft have those kinds of bank cards) so it can�ft be used to charge things�calthough I should also mention that they don�ft really accept credit cards in very many places outside the major cities�cso my world is now a completely cash based society. And really the greatest issue with living in a cash based society, is the fact that sometimes it is really difficult to get cash. I mean, ATMs are not 24/7. In my town, they close down at 9 pm most nights, and 5 pm on Sundays. Oh and they do not open on Holidays�cso if you forget to get your cash before the holiday, you really should not bother leaving the house. Yeah�cI�fve been screwed by this a few times.

They decapitated my Santa.....

Every month I have to do an "english" bulletin board. Since this is one of my few creative tasks, I generally tend to go all out for it. Usually my boards are like huge installation pieces with a tiny bit of English thrown in, just for show...this month it is lyrics to christmas carols...including Grandma Got run over by a reindeer....which i personally think is in league with all the classics...Frosty, Rudolph, silver bells, that Mariah Carey song....but i've digressed. Anyhow, the carols were the background for a life-sized santa holding a "naughty and nice" list and large 3-D x-mas Lights. It was pretty nuts, and kind of sacreligious, since I took a Santa costume, stuffed it, then nailed it to the wall....yeah, I thought it was pretty funny that it looked like Santa had been run over by a reindeer then stuck up on a wall like a trophy....but none of the teachers really understood my dark, cynical, "american" humor....so whatever...

Anyhow, I came into school today, and noticed that Santa was missing his head....It was kind of creepy...but really all I was thinking was, "dude, I am so not making another Santa head...that sucker is going to remain on the wall headless, cuz I am over this art project". Of course, this being Japan, my thoughts should have been, "oh no, my day is now going to suck!!" because when I walked into the teachers lounge, everyone was avoiding eye contact. Nobody would look at me...there was a palatable feeling of shame and the paranoia began. I tried to figure out what horrible blunder I had managed to make over the past 4 days, since I had last been to this school. I remembered that the principal had invited me to his house for an oyster cook-out and I had declined, citing other plans....I began to wonder if maybe I had been seen out on the town cajoling with friends...so i started to make up excuses in my head as I wandered down to the lunch room. There I ran into my English teacher, who was also avoiding eye contact. So now, I am thinking something is really wrong...like I've done something serious...of course at the same time I am also thinking, maybe its bad enough that they will kill my contract and send me home.....(by this time I had had enough of the paranoia and wierd shame vibe). So finally, my English teacher gathers her courage and announces to me that she has some horrible news ... 6 boys decapitated my santa last week....(duh? how could i have missed it? Its the first thing you see when you walk in the school.) And after lunch they will have to face me and apologize.

Okay, so that is where the giggling started...it was totally a reaction to an absurd situation...but unfortunatly (and much to my fellow teachers annoyance) it didn't stop until the last kid had finished apologizing. Let me just say, that I have no idea what they said...I understood Santa-san and that was about it.....I still laugh at how ridiculous the whole thing was..I mean, they each faced me individually, bowed a lot, and muttered a whole lot of stuff I couldn't understand. Meanwhile, the teachers all stood around with their hands on their hips looking really pissed off and horrified that I was not doing a great job of stifling my giggles. But really, isn't it wierd that this is a cause for group shame...but when the boys drew the pictures of me, that was completely ignored and forgotten?

By the way, as punishment I told the boys they each had to make Santa a new head and hat....maybe I can use the extra heads for next months bulletin board.