Why is this happening to me?

That would be the question that I was yelling to the stars last night, (much like an unstable maniac). Complete with tears, many, many "fucks", and little bit of unintelligible rambling...I sat on the busiest corner of my little gossipy town having a very, very public meltdown. Why? Well, if you will recall the beginning of my adventure here in lovely, small town Japan...you might remember a rather hellish month long experince called "the car accident". I literally got beaten up by every Gaijin-hating Japanese person around...and then some...in fact unbelievably enough, it isn't over yet. I am still awaiting my prosecution and court date. The idea of facing prosecution over a fender bender in a world I don't understand, where things aren't really fair for outsiders, has always been a very present thought/fear in my mind.

Last night, the absolute worst thing that could happen...did. I guess i should be happy I am alive and no one was hurt.

I was going to Kiwi-boy's house, for a dinner party he was throwing. I was running a bit late, but wasn't concerned, because he knew I was behind schedule. 2 blocks from my house, the transmission of my car starts to grind and I don't know whether or not I will be able to make the green light. But, then it rights itself and I make it to the line in enough time. Out of the corner of my left eye i see a car speeding towards me...I don't think it had its lights on....It blows thru the very Red light...I know it is going to SMASH into me, and there is nothing I can do....my brakes are not slowing me down fast enough....I got hit. My car was instantly turned into an accordian...and in that second my freedom was taken away from me.

I know its dramatic. Everyone was okay. The man, his wife (who was balling before I even got out of the car...I remember thinking, they must of just been fighting, and that is why he didn't stop.) me...other than bruised and sore (the doctor is making me wear a neckbrace) we all were okay. So I was grateful for that...but the thing is, my car is destroyed. I have 3.5 more months in this country, and it is ridiculous to go out and buy a new car. It is ridiculous to even consider it. My town has no trains and a bus that stops running very early in the evening. There are no video stores, clothing stores, fast-food resturants, the market is the size of a 7-11...and here I am, STUCK (because of a bunch of mountains, that are difficult to pass via bicycle) for 3.5 months...it feels like prison.

And the man...well, he blew a red light and hit somebody. Where I come from, that would be considered wreckless driving. He would have recieved some heavy fines. In this country, the police will only charge him, if I am hurt for 2 + weeks...that means, if I continue to go to the doctor (who is on the other side of the mountain I might add) for the next 2 weeks, the police will possibly charge him with a ticket of some sort... (keep in mind that I might face prison time and a $1000 fine for my first accident...which was a minor fender bender...but this, guy has barely anything to sweat.) I love being a foreigner/outsider...I feel more and more like a second-rate citizen every day. Because of this...I am terrified, that this case will not be treated fairly, because they will see my past accident, and somehow make me at fault for this accident. It's so dramatic and ridiculous, but I believe a real possibility.

Lastly, when getting into an accident, one has to bring the victim presents as a "get well soon" and a gesture of "I am trully sorry." When I hit the man, I brought him a $50 cake (my teacher and principal picked it out) and a giant potted orchid ($35).. Kiwi-boy's host father hit a man and gave the guy an envelope of $500...the guy who hit me, gave me an $8 box of cookies....I know it shouldn't be about money and presents...but give me a break....i am getting the short end of the stick all around.

only 105 more days....