Crushes

Its been ages since I last had a crush on someone. Especially, someone that i don't even know. I mean, usually being familiar with a person's personality makes them 100% more attractive...therefore, crush-worthy. So the last time I had a crush on a complete stranger was probably college. I think that is the last time that I was surrounded by a large population of strangers, who had schedules and appointments that consistantly crossed with mine, therefore allowing me to take notice of them.

Now that I have a job at a deli, I am once again surrounded by strangers. Although, this time, some of those strangers have become aquaintances...I mean, I do have regular customers. But, of all the people that come into the store, I have really only taken notice of one guy. He has been in enough times, that I even know his name. Honestly, I don't think he a) remembers my name, b) has taken a 2nd glance at me, c) thought about me outside of the resturant. But, we have exchanged witty banter, I have been caught staring at him (like a complete geek), and he has gone out of his way to say hi to me even when I don't wait on him....I guess, in the make-believe world in my head, I want to believe that there could be something more, like maybe he does notice me and he is interested.

Of course, I am a bit neurotic and after thinking about the possibility of just asking him out, I realize a) I am moving back to LA in a matter of weeks, b) what if he's married (I always forget to check) c) what if I really am imagining a "connection" between us, d) today he was in the resturant meeting with "America's biggest porn producer" (don't ask me how I know these things). I had the bartender do a bit of checking, and it turns out he works for the guy...although in his defense, the porn producer does have other businesses, many of which are completely legit...

I kind of just wish I had never looked into his eyes. Because, when i did, I saw such kindness and beauty, that got me kind of hooked. I realize its all just a figment of my imagination....but I keep thinking, what if? I guess, I should listen to the voice of reasoning that is my friend J, "If you weren't so bored, you would never even give this a second thought." You know, she is absolutely right.