rambling

Things have been getting better. I mean I am still not quite in the Pollyanna mind frame...but i am doing better. My program is finally getting involved with the car accident. Since technically I have been hired by the Japanese government, they did a bit of investigating. Turns out that it is unlikely that I will have to spend time in Jail. That was totally a scare tactic on the part of the police. I will still probably have to pay a steep fine...but I probably won't actually have to go to court. Of course none of this will be totally finished for months...but right now, things are looking up. Knock on wood they stay that way.

Its so amazing to me how difficult this place is for me. I've lived alone in other countries before, and never encountered as many problems as I have in the past 3 months here. I know that 90% of all difficulties have to do with the HUGE communication gap. I think that my time here has definatly taught me patience...and maybe how to deal gracefully with things. Believe me, every day is frustrating...I mean I really don't understand 75% of the things that are said to me on a daily basis. And the actions and ways of people are so different from what I am used to. Everything is handled passive-agressively. Nothing is ever actually said. If I do something wrong, I am never told what i did wrong...I am just told I can't do something anymore. It is so difficult to be patient and not go off in a tirade of words, when the whats, whys, and hows aren't properly addressed.

And Japanese style means never losing your cool...never showing any sort of true emotion. Smiling is considered a weakness. Crying is not only a weakness, is makes you a point of pity. Shouting is unacceptable. Sometimes when I am really frustrated with the way I am being treated, I go into my new found "robot" personality...where everything is numb and blank. I may trully need therapy when I leave this place.